Is it the End of the World, or the Start of the School Year?

There are so many things going on here in the Choice City this weekend. First of all, all roads leading north are clogged to a stop. HEY! You can watch the eclipse right here, or at least 92% of it, or still be sitting at edit 267 Monday morning at 11:47. Oh, and BTW, the minute your car crosses out of Colorado, “the Green State,” your car will definitely be searched. Every cop in the path of the eclipse is on duty at the state lines. Weed is legal here, but some idiot will drag it out of the state, where it is not legal. I’m glad I’m not going and don’t do weed, never have, because I just know the chicks in cellblock C would pass me around for a carton of smokes.

Also, every law enforcement officer in the state is on duty until after Labor Day. “The Heat is On.” Better be good with the brand new SUVS Mommy and Daddy bought Skippy to go to college. My dad gave me money for a bike. 47 years ago. For my birthday. In October.

It is also the worst weekend during the college year. CSU classes begin Monday, so all the  drinkers get drunk on anything they can get their underage hands on, including mouthwashes that still have alcohol, and some even die. Then, their grieving parents erect memorials to their memories that last until the unfortunate kids are forgotten. That pint of peppermint schnapps sure tastes like a candy cane by golly, right up until you throw up into your lungs and drown after you pass out.

Sometimes, their are riots, sometimes mattresses are set aflame in the streets. Vandalism is all over. Back when I lived across the street from campus, and our fence was kicked in on a regular basis, I held my father-in-law’s rifle in my arms on my doorstep. No bullets, can’t shoot, scared of weapons, but the visual was pretty obvious.

There are some cool things, though, going on thanks to the City’s Natural Areas department. The kids painted the “A” today, commemorating the days when the gender-specific CSU Rams (are there really Lady Rams? C’mon.) were the A&M Aggies. I guess I was a Lady Ram when I played field hockey, and I tried to stuff a jock strap with socks. It just didn’t work out, know what I mean?

Tomorrow, the students will come, about 1000 of them, to hike up to the “A”. This is a fun activity. They are not hung over, they are happy and polite, and of late, no girls wear flip flops to hike up a foothill in rattlesnake territory. Last time, I didn’t spot any girls with severe anorexia.

We tell the newcomers of the natural wonder of Fort Collins, hand out well-needed chapsticks and water, pass out maps of our 49 natural areas, and generally talk to them about what a wonderland they will be fortunate to live in for awhile. I do this activity every year as a Master Naturalist Assistant, and it’s great. There are over 100 busses rolling up to deposit the students, and I like to see them coming, as I did when I was a teacher.

I hope the weekend is great, and during the eclipse is going on for 3 minutes or so, all teachers and employers should let people out to see it. Have fun! And oh yeah, LEAVE YOUR DOGS AT HOME!

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