Oh nooooooooooo!

December 13, 2017

Flash back to the summer of 1975 or 76. My sister was home visiting, and I was in graduate school at Northwestern and living with Mom. The way our rooms were situated was that mine was over the garage, and hers up the landing and to the right. But our windows were very close by. It was hot and humid,  so our windows were wide open.

I was watching a new show, Saturday Night Live. They had a sketch that was so funny, I was laughing so hard tears flowed down my face, and I rolled around in bed. I couldn’t be silent, even though everyone was asleep. I screamed in laughter. Really.

Margo came into my room and asked what was so funny. All I could do was point at the TV. It was a new character made of clay,  with a high pitched voice dressed in one outfit. It was Mr. Bill. Mr. Bill always talked in the falsetto voice to an unseen Mr. Hands. Bad things always happened to Mr. Bill. If he had a sprained wrist, a drunken orthopedic surgeon would cut off his arm. An O shaped mouth would scream, “Oh no……..” Every time Mr. Bill was on, something sadistic happened to him and his clay body.

I became obsessed with Mr. Bill. He had a dog made of yellow clay who suffered similar fates. When I was a first year vet student, we had a Halloween party in costume. My classmate, Anna, and I put on “Mr. Bill goes to Anatomy Lab.” He said he was a dog lover, and had a wonderful dog. A voice would always sing “Here comes Mr. Bill’s dog.” In our sketch, Anna sang it to perfection. When Mr. Bill told the audience it was a racing greyhound, the dogs we used to use for dissection, the whole room cracked up.  They knew what would transpire. “Oh noooooo!”

When I first starting using Chewy.com, they had a perfect Mr. Bill dog toy. Instead of squeaking, it screamed, “Oh no………….” I kept the toy for me, and ordered another for Ivy. She soon became obsessed with Mr. Bill. I can be far away in the house and hear a muffled “Oh noooooooooo” Ivy knows the toy by name, and will go look for him when asked. She tries to take him outside, which I won’t let her do, so when I open the door, she lets me take his white hand, and goes out.

When I mention that Ivy’s favorite toy is Mr. Bill, Millennials look at me with blank stares. They have no idea who he is. Go to YouTube, kids, and laugh your guts out.

Oh no……………..

 


The Last Republicans

December 13, 2017

I just started reading the Last Republicans, the story of the relationship between presidents 41 and 43 written by Mark. K Updegrove. It’s a warm biography of a father-son relationship where love is the dominant emotion.

I liked George H.W. Bush as vice-president, then as president. He has a stellar pedigree, both in family ties and the political arena. My favorite memory of him is vomiting on the Prime Minister of Japan.

George W. Bush I thought was the worst president in history, other than James Buchanan, who couldn’t keep the United States together. Political skills aside, I would put W. on my list of people I’d like to sit down with and visit with for awhile. He gave a college graduation speech poking fun at himself telling the gathering that here in front of them is an example that a C student can become President of the United States. Classic.

Both men are very emotional and sentimental, and cry at the drop of a hat. I’m only at the very beginning of a long book, so I cannot be more informative, other than from the other books about the Bushes I’ve read.

Take the title of this book. It’s fabulous for this day and age, when we have a president who spends 4-8 hours a day watching TV, doesn’t read briefing memos, communicates by Twitter and its limited number of characters, can’t stay on the Tel-a-Prompter, lies like a rug, and, I think, hasn’t looked at our Constitution since high school if then. When a staffer was discussing the 25th amendment, Donald Trump actually said, “What’s that one?” It’s what is going to send you back to your own businesses, cheating people, hiding money, and not paying bills, or possibly a stay at Club Fed. For a guy who demands twice a day memos on how good he is at his job, he reminds me of the emperor and his new clothes.

The Trump administration is a joke on the American people, most of whom did not vote for him. I watch the news shows around suppertime, as they are mostly dinner theater. I am personally enjoying the idiocy of the leader of the free world, and laugh hysterically whenever I see a picture of his butt when he plays golf or tennis. I am confident the country will recover once Donald Trump and Mike Pence (homosexuality can be cured) are gone.

So, The Last Republicans is a warm reminder that in a subtle way, by the very nature of it’s title, this book slams the current “Republican” sitting on his fat ass in the oval office. We have five living former presidents, and the current Mr. Limpet. That would make a fine portrait. If asked, I doubt the Bushes, or at least George H.R. Bush would comply.

 


Which is it? I need some help with this one.

December 11, 2017

In my book, Drinking From the Trough,  in the Epilogue I mention Ivy. But how do you write her breed? She is a Goldendoodle.

But what is the correct way to write the breed (doodles are not really breeds recognized by the AKC, they are expensive mutts and well worth it).

Goldendoodle

Golden Doodle

Golden doodle

goldendoodle

golden doodle

What, already? I’ve seen breeders write the name several different ways in the same paragraph.

Remember that obnoxious comic who would say, “My name is Raymond W. Johnson.You can call me Ray, you can call me J, you can call me RJ, you can call me Ray Jay.” Remember that guy? Well that’s what I think of. I remembered how much that guy would annoy me while I was watching TV.

Who’s on first. Who’s on second. No, what’s on second. Get the idea?

Any help would be appreciated.

Goldendoodles-the Abbott and Costello of the dog world.


My dog is in love with a couch!

December 11, 2017

I sit here writing, and watch Ivy lying full out on my uncle’s old couch made new by expensive reupholstering two years ago.

Gone are the days of the fluffy doodle jumping up to watch TV sitting on my lap or next to me in the recliner.

My huskies were never allowed on furniture because they shed a lot. But my Goldendoodle does not, and they are not like huskies, who can be alone  for a long time. Doodles won’t spend hours out in the dog pen. They do their business to come back to their humans.

But my Ivy abandoning me for a couch?

I initially trained her to get on beds gently for her therapy dog training (put off by the fractured hip). Now, she just jumps on the couch like she owns it. I guess she does. I do have her sit and call for her to jump on the bed.

I was getting used to TV with a dog comforter. Cowboy Joe does that as he did before we got Ivy.

Happy Holidays!


A movie and a recliner…

December 3, 2017

It’s time for my second recheck after my stay at the Shangri La Hilton for 5 days. I’m only supposed to put 15# on the leg with crutches, but you know, I’ve been bad. Bad Mary. But the leg feels pretty good. A few steps is OK. I wouldn’t use the stairs without help. Experimenting is OK if done carefully. Going too hard and fast is just plain stupid.

With the last hip fx, it was horribly painful. This one has been pretty good because it was not displaced. No pain meds except while in the hospital and here at home for the first week. My pain meds were Oxycodone-yep, the one that has gotten so much publicity of late. My doctor told me once that if you take it for real pain, you don’t get addicted. When I broke my R hip in ’04, it was so painful that the trauma surgeon had me on two tabs every four hours. Now that’s a lot. Did I come out of that as an addict? No. I just stopped when the pain was minimal. As an athlete in HS and college, and afterward, I can tell you I have never been stoned or high. I did hallucinate during the first hip fx, as I had the pump with morphine in it. I hallucinated, but didn’t know what it was.

For the L hip, I was surprised and angry that the hospital sent me home with only a week’s worth of Oxy. One pill every six hours. I was expecting horrid pain. The pain was so minimal compared to the other hip, that I got along just fine with the dosage-one tab every six hours. I renewed it once, but have only taken one pill of the second bottle.

Now that I’m mobile, driving, doing errands, and getting the mail (in the car!), when I have a busy day, I’m beat by 3pm. I eat lunch, put in a movie watched a million times, and snooze. Life is good.

Wednesday, I have an appt. with the dr. is in the morning. I’ll bring my Kindle as he often runs two and a half hours behind.At one, my usual appt. with my writing coach, Judy. Then that evening, we have our double-November/December park board meeting. I know the next day will be a movie and the recliner. One’s body has a way of telling you, “Enough”! Time to heal. The only thing I have is shlepping my currently fuzzy pup to the spa.

Thursday will be my movie and recliner day.


Keep it in your pants, famous idiots!

December 1, 2017

I’ve been following the sordid actions of both TV personalities, and public servants. My thought is is kind of like the burglar who isn’t sorry he stole, but he’s so sorry he got caught.

The TV personalities are really stupid and sick. Matt Lauer had the perfect job, a $100M estate, and a good reputation. Since Judge Roy Moore is a senatorial candidate giving the deep south a worse reputation than it already has, women have been coming forward, every male is at risk, even the innocent ones. Lauer is not out on his ass, will probably lose his amassed money paying off his victims, and wish he hadn’t installed that door lock that closed when he pressed a button on his desk.

Then there are our public servants. Moore banned from shopping malls for stalking teenage girls? Trying to arrange dates with 15-year olds? A well-respected MN senator caught with stupid pictures taken on a USO tour when the woman was asleep? Anthony Weiner, you don’t want to know. It’s unfortunate, but my paternal grandmother’s maiden name was Weiner.

Bottom line, you sleaze bags, Keep it in your pants. We don’t want to see you. We do want to see the Chief Executive with the small hands and oversized ties get busted. With Michael Flynn’s admission of his crime(s), it is only a matter of time. While you are waiting, why don’t you read our Constitution. It’s a pretty good read.


Urine in the office

November 28, 2017

I went into my office yesterday to get something my writing coach, Judy, needed. I shooed the brothers, Cowboy Joe and Frank, out of the office. I type in my chair, so I don’t have to crutch back and forth.

This morning, I got up to let the dog out, and I heard frantic meowing upstairs. Matthew had gotten stuck in the office. I close the door because I don’t want the cats in there. Bad idea.

Of course, Matthew, 16, can’t go all night without urinating. He has chronic renal failure, and gallons of stinky cat urine is a part of it.

You can imagine the smell. You can understand I couldn’t go in because I was in stocking feet. Somewhere in there is a pile of kitty turds, I’m sure. Since I can’t vacuum or anything, I took a can of Resolve carpet cleaner, stood at the doorway, and sprayed the entire carpet. Poor Kayla, she has no idea of what she is in for next Monday, my biweekly cleaning day.