BONES R US

November 9, 2017

So how many of you have gone on Medicare the first of the month only to break your hip on the 27th? Yeah, baby, right here.

Ivy only had three supervised therapy dog visits to do to become certified to make people smile. I had her in agility class for something else to do. She is really good at it.

So, she had gone over the large upside down v shaped thing, and went to the tunnel. I went outside along side of her shouting, “Tunnel, Ivy, good girl!” when I tripped on the holder of the tunnel, fell on my L knee and landed hard on my left hip. Oy. I only have one untouched large bone left.

Fast forward to the next morning scheduled for surgery. I had talked to my world-famous joint replacement surgeon who had looked at the films on his cell phones. He said the Doctor on call could put 3 parallel pins across the femoral neck. Deja vu from 2004?

So, I get down to pre-op. The chaplain there was a friend of mine, and stayed with me the whole time.

Dr. Doogie Howser shows up. Standing at my back so I had to crane my neck over, he said, “Hi! I’m Dr. Howser. I’m here to replace your hip.” WHAT? When was that ever mentioned? I told him to go call Dr. Famous, who had replaced my R hip in ’05. In the meantime, Young Skippy comes up to me and says, “Hi! I’m your nurse anesthetist. I’m going to be doing your anesthesia today.” “No you are not, I requested an MD anesthesiologist.” Adele, the chaplain, told him to read the notes. He backed up and said to Doogie, “She won’t let me do the anesthesia, wa, wa, wa!”

Dr. Doogie had gotten ahold of Dr. Famous, and Dr. Famous had told him what to do, and that if the hip failed like the other one did, he’d replace it. Mission accomplished. I had an anesthesiologist with a sense of humor, whom I asked if he was a graduate of the Denver School of Nursing. Humor is the way I roll, not interacting with idiots who can’t read.

So now I have three pins in my L hip which will stay. I now have broken three of the 4 largest bones in the body. I saw Dr. Famous today, whom I thanked profusely for having my back before surgery with Doogie. We discussed going back on osteoporosis meds, just not the one that made me feel bad one day of the week. Twelve days after the accident, today, he said I could now put 15# of weight on my hip using my crutches. I will see him next month, and probably ditch the crutches. No PT for hips, just walking. Ivy will soon be able to have her three supervised therapy visits.

Last thought: A freshman med student can nail a hip. I’ve put a pin in the wing of a roadrunner. It’s not rocket science. I think most ortho docs think they are Jesus just because they are really good carpenters.


Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

August 15, 2010

After five months in my new home frantically looking for the rolling computer suitcase to use for school, I was ready to pack it in. I even resorted to getting a larger and uglier unit made by Delsey. I had gone through every storage box a million times, the last when my new friend, Chance, helped me load stuff into the new Tuff Shed built for me so I could have a garage instead of a snake pit full of junk with cars tucked into the mess. This suitcase, used by older and wiser law students, OWLS, saves the musculoskeletal system from permanent harm when transporting hundreds of pounds of school stuff.

The original bag was beautiful, so much so that I bought other pieces to match. My luggage is rather old. I looked online to see if I could find it: Ricardo Beverly Hills Capistrano Lite. Nope. Not made any more. It would have to be the Delsey, which I have to say is very utilitarian. More pockets and compartments such that I could live out of it.

The other day, I called my golf buddy to say hello. She drove my pickup down in time for her to help me with the movers. She sat outside in 75 degree sunshine last March, yes March, while I was inside telling the guys where to put things. I told her my dilemma of the roller. She said to look inside a bigger suitcase. She had put the suitcases away and was filling up a closet with them. She finally put smaller ones into bigger ones. I told her to hang on and talk to me while I went into the guest room to look. The first suitcase I unzipped revealed the missing roller. Had Diane been here in person, I don’t know whether I would have hugged her or killed her.

So after all this time, a chance conversation lead to my hidden roller; and it turns out I can’t use it anyway. Such is life.

Orientation is this week. Let’s see how many more chances I have to be a clueless idiot. At least I spent the off week in the law library trying to get a clue. I think I did.